You left me Lifeless

Posted: September 20, 2010 in Thoughts

I encountered with a major heartbreak, I realized that my story is over. I tried to run away from the bitter-sweet memories, and invariably tried to avoid free time at all costs. I knew it was not normal, it was not sane. The waves of pain dashed against me, propagated another higher one, washed over me, and pulled me under. And I could not resurface. I was burned, I was broken. I was hurt and I was helpless. It was only because the things you said and the things you did, still surrounded me like a reassuring warm blanket.

I wanted to live through this pain, I tried harder. I knew I can’t keep waiting for him. Remembering him was off limited, forgetting him was scary, it’s a hard line and I couldn’t take a stand.

The days slipped by from my window watching the busy street, the autumn breeze. I scuffled at every step not to think of him, but ironically I did not struggle to forget him.

His agonizing efforts kept me awake all nights. I was defenseless to my insomniac skills.  I worried about him. Sleep deprivation broke down my defenses, I could understand I was sinking. Sinking deep in.

I qualmed by the thought that my mind will have a colandering effect and I would forget him. Time will play the greatest healer and someday I will not be able to remember the glimmers in his eyes, the warmth of his touch, or will forget the depth of his voice. I shivered. I should remember him, this is all that I want now because this is the only thing I had to be able to live. Everything else I could endure, but not without the feeling of him.

Lost in thought and lost in time, While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through one silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life

Time passes. Even when it’s not meant to be, even when every minute seems insurmountable, suffocating. It passes in scabrous ways, in strange wobbles, but it does pass. And I was not deprived this at least. Time passed even for me. There is nothing I am afraid of now, every pain seems petty, I have lost everything, even my reason to breathe. This is the only advantage of losing Him. It’s not that the pain that had reduced its strength of overpowering me, rather that I have grown strong enough to bear it.

P.S I Love You ®   

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction – any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental

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Comments
  1. Even though its a fictional narrative, somehow the lines are vivid enough for me to construe a lady lying in her bath undergoing these thoughts while life ebbs from her slashed wrists and her blood clouds the water with its crimson hue. Despair and love portrayed very nicely. Brilliant work. 🙂

  2. Swetak says:

    i got u baby…:)

  3. Pratyusha Guha says:

    Outstanding, Fabulous

  4. Ankan says:

    Splendid… Lets see some more!!

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