Growing up in a big family, made me always appreciate the love of a family. I grew up, hustling with life, carving my way out. In some ways, I had everything, everything I ever wanted – a family, few true friends, career.
But I was looking for a home enveloped with peace and laughter – which only was a dream for me. Every time the sun sets, I returned home to my empty nest. People left me, left me to rot. I cobbled my voidness and drank myself to sleep every night. They hung me out dry, left me with coldness and emptiness.
In this nothingness I met her one more time. This time God had other plans for us. Things were not as smooth and ceaseless as our hearts fell for each other.
She gave me hope one more time. I dreamt of dinners, parties, crowds.
Instead, I was walking alone, spending the whole night awake, dissolving in some other world. I stared at the ceiling sleep deprived, painting scenarios of what could have been and what could be, missing the times she was wrapped in my arms on the same bed, giggling and laughing.
My friends are happily married celebrating their anniversaries in different parts of the world, and I am dreaming for the day when she could be mine forever – When she can rub off her past from her skin and declare to the world that I am hers forever. I keep talking to myself how I should surrender myself to the uncertainty of the timeline of our future together. Life is pretty and I deserve something very real. I want to laugh so hard that my stomach starts to ache, and my lungs burst out for breath!! I want to feel like the sun, radiating energy and hope, instead I hide myself like a moon behind the clouds even on a deep dark night.
I want to hold her hand and walk on the beaches, hike at the trails, dance in the rain, watch the sunsets in different countries and promise her a life that she never imagined was possible.
I want to make love to her every night and let her fall asleep in my arms. I want to keep her close to me every night so that I can smell every strand of her hair, kissing her all over.
I want this to be real, one more time .. and this time forever!!
The Bluestocker 